FORGIVENESS. We all know what this word means. In church, we have all been taught to forgive others 70 x 70, but it really doesn’t hit home until we must forgive someone who has wronged us. Although we appreciate the times WE have been forgiven for our mistakes, we still find it difficult to extend this same courtesy to others who need this level of compassion from us. Our egos tell us they should pay for whatever they have done to us. The enemy of your soul tries to get you to act upon your hurt and anger by retaliating against them.

But, God loves everyone and pushes for restoration. Therefore, when you hurt someone who has hurt you, regardless of how you justify it, you are not of God. “The children of God and the children of the devil are revealed in this way: all who do not do what is right are not from God, nor are those who do not love their brothers and sisters” (I John 3: 10 NRSV).

It is difficult for us to apologize and ask for forgiveness when we are the offenders, because then we have to admit that we are wrong, which makes us vulnerable to rejection and anger from the other person. Instead, our ego wants to be right all of the time, and pride kicks in to make sure that everyone knows that. This is why the Bible says that pride goes before a fall, because your stubbornness will orchestrate your own spiritual or physical destruction. However, the Spirit of God is one of peace and reconciliation, which will prod you to do whatever is necessary to make things right with the other person.

Let me use one of my real life illustrations to demonstrate this principle. A friend of mine and I got into a silly verbal altercation that really should not have occurred…considering that we are both trying to live for the Lord and all. For a little over a month, we didn’t call each other or hang out. However, I was bothered about the whole thing every day during this time.

I knew I needed to make things right with her, but I wanted her to call first, since in my mind, she started the whole thing, although we were both at fault. (That’s so kindergarten, huh?) We often think that separation and distance will correct the situation, but it won’t! The Lord won’t allow such band-aid resolutions! Finally one day, I could no longer fight the Holy Spirit. Besides, I had suffered many restless days while I carried around this unforgiveness.

One morning, I felt strongly impressed to apologize and give her a free copy of my new book. Unfortunately, I still hesitated at the idea of making the first move. This was my ridiculous thought process: “Okay, Lord I’ll email her, because I express myself better through writing, but this book cost me some money, are you sure you want me to give her one? Okay, well, can I just mail it?” Needless to say, I apologized and personally delivered her an autographed copy of my book, and as soon as I did, all was well with my soul!

Understand this. I never said, “The Lord told me to contact you…” or anything like that, because that would not have been a true, Christ-motivated apology. Pride is the source of comments like that. In fact, in situations like these, people do not need to know the details of what God has told you beforehand. That information is for you and YOUR correction, not theirs. God just needs you to do the right thing, without explanation or justification.

FORGIVING THE OPPOSITE SEX

Once upon a time, I was deeply bruised in my interactions with a male friend. Exasperated, I fell out in prayer to God about the situation. Instead of focusing on my anguish, I was instructed to pray for him, and the Holy Spirit truly guided me in that prayer. I thought, “God are you for real? Do you see how upset I am”? I nonetheless obeyed. It was brought to my attention that we had something in common. Like me, this brother also wanted to be spiritually strong and free, but was struggling in the process. I was also reminded about a time when I was in that exact same position when a minister guided me to receive the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, as evidenced by speaking in tongues.

Before I was led to pray for him, I had resolved to just never speak to this friend for a very long time, because time heals all wounds right? Wrong. I discovered that my freedom was directly connected to his freedom, and that I could not truly be free until I genuinely forgave him within my heart. Deep down, I knew I would stop hurting, once I interceded for him in prayer. The Spirit let me know that God loved this brother and wanted to heal his heart. I was going to be involved in that, because that was the original plan anyway. Restoration was the true purpose for the attraction between us in the first place, and I didn’t have the right to just cut him off before this was accomplished.

But then here comes the kicker. I asked God to give me a little time to rally up a prayer, but this is what came to me. It is easy to forgive someone once your pain has passed, but it takes a whole lot of Christ in you to forgive someone in the midst of your upset. So, my own emotional healing depended upon my ability to extend compassion and godly love to this person in my heart, regardless of my feelings. How can you tell that God is the one motivating you to do something? Because the action is probably contrary to what your mind and emotions want to do!

As a result of prayer and divine revelation, we continued to speak, but not as frequently as before. As a bonus, I got past my physical attraction to this guy to see him as God wanted me to see him. I think the greatest tragedy in the world is for us to lose good friends and dismiss quality people from our lives due to our ignorance of God’s will for that connection. That is why it is so important to pray before establishing new relationships and friendships.

THE MCW BOTTOM LINE

Here is the bottom line for Modern Christian Women: You cannot harbor unforgiveness toward another person, and think that you are square with God. Christ came to revolutionize the world with a doctrine and practice of love. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13: 34-35). You cannot love God without demonstrating love to others.

Giving and receiving forgiveness is one of the greatest acts of love and compassion you can perform. You must cancel the emotional debt others might owe you, just as Christ canceled yours on the cross by saving you from wrong thoughts and behaviors, otherwise known as sin. Trust me. On the other side of forgiveness is sweet, abiding peace for your soul!

BE A BLESSING!

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Ashan R. Hampton is the author of several Christian inspirational books: “Prayers & Confessions for Modern Christian Women” (2020), “Still Single Over 40: Reclaim Your Love Life” (2019), “Prayers & Confessions for Teens and Young Adults” (2018), “MCW Living Single Bible Readings” (2017), “Prayers & Confessions for Everyday Victory” (2017), “Before You Start Dating Again” (2016), “Some Bitter, Some Sweet: Becoming a Single Woman God Can Use” (2016), “Soul Thoughts: Poems & Essays” (2015), “Girl Please…Know When to Let That Man Go” (2015). Visit our website for ordering information at www.mcwwisdom.com/books.

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